By Princess Alexandria Moore
I’m proud to share my connection with Mary Meillier, the Youth Shelter therapist, who is marking 30 years with Pathfinders in 2025.
When I first came to Pathfinders’ Youth Shelter, I was 17. Everyone who came to the shelter was matched with a therapist. I was very upset and did not want Mary be my therapist. She asked me questions about my family. She acted like she cared about me. I was irate. Like, who are you?
But then I saw her again. I can’t remember what happened to make me warm up to her, but ever since then Mary has been a blessing in my life.
I turned 18 while I was in the shelter and Mary made sure I had a birthday party. She had a cake custom made and it was my favorite color, blue. It had balloons on it and my name. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a birthday cake.
You can only stay at the shelter for two weeks at a time. Most people have family mediation and then they go back home. That wasn’t an option for me. So, at the end of my shelter stay, I would have been homeless and on my own. Mary helped me stay at the shelter for as long as possible, then helped me with a seamless transition to Walker’s Point youth shelter. She drove me in her own vehicle and helped me put my stuff in storage.
And then, Mary helped me get my first apartment. She went with me to sign the paperwork and helped me move my things. She got me sheets and a table. She made sure I had dishes.
A few years later, Mary attended my swearing-in ceremony for the United States Air Force. I remember her smiling and taking pictures. She has always been there for me, no matter what.
I never asked Mary where she came from. She just kind of appeared in my life. This conversation gave me a chance to see another side of Mary. I hope you see that, too.
Princess: Mary, how did you first get involved with Pathfinders?
Mary: You know, I’ve never shared this with you, Princess, but what brought me to Pathfinders was because my life wasn’t all together either. I had been in a religious order and it didn’t work out for me. I was searching for myself and my therapist suggested that I volunteer at Pathfinders’ Shelter. From there, I became a backup staff member, working mostly Saturday nights.
I really connected with the young people. Probably because my sister ran away when she was in high school. She and my mom did not get along. We both experienced traumas, but she handled it by running away. And I handled it by trying to be perfect. So I understood a lot of where the young people were coming from. I remember what the family dynamics were like.
Just like my therapist later in life, I had two teachers in High School that took me under their wing, and that’s who I wanted to be. One even stood in as my parent at one of the athletic Parent Night events at school as my parents were out of town. So, I went into teaching initially, but I found I really didn’t want to be up front of 30 kids and doing all the discipline. I love sitting down together, just going for a walk together or giving them just one little thing that that they needed.
My sister, Ann, was another person I could always count on. Our parents were gone a lot and she gave me that support that I needed. I wanted to be able to provide the same for young people — a family they can count on that’s going to be there no matter what.
I found that sense of family in the staff and youth at Pathfinders. We’ve gone through life together the last 30 years.
Princess: What do you want people to know about the youth you work with?
Mary: That they’re resilient, that they’re not trying to make people’s lives problematic or difficult, that they’re just trying to sort through their own lives, and they need people beside them.
A lot of times people say, “Oh, that’s tough work. That must be really hard.” And my response to them is: it’s an honor to be able to stand with them and help them sort through the challenges in their life. Most of those issues aren’t due to them, but due to our society. Young people just need a family, an anchor, someone to believe in them, someone to give them resources that they didn’t get.
Princess: Mary, you really did save my life. As a teenager, I was really depressed. I really hated myself. All these things were happening in my life and I thought they were all because of me, that my family didn’t like me because of something I did. You made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. I was so angry, and you were like, “you have the right to be angry! Be angry.” I was like, ok, I can have emotions. I can feel anger toward people. That’s ok.
What motivates you to be here and deal with a child who says, “I don’t want to see you”?
Mary: I’ve learned to just kind of take a breath and walk away and give them a few moments to decide what they want. If they really don’t want to meet with me, then I just let it be that. But I’ll probably go back to them and give them another opportunity or say, you know, do you just want to go for a walk? Or how about if we wait until tomorrow?
When I was younger it was a lot harder, but you just come into your own and start realizing “it’s not about me.” They just need space to decide when they’re ready.
Princess: One thing you taught me is to only focus on the things that you can control. I’m always overthinking, like, “what if this happens?” Mary’s like, well, don’t focus on it when you don’t even know it’s going to happen. Now, I’ve given that advice to so many people.
Mary: When you’re in your 20s, you usually still need family and people to help support you. And a lot of young people don’t have that. And so I think you end up learning a lot on your own and you end up traveling around a lot and trying to figure it out. I see everything that you’ve gone through, Princess, has taught you so much, and you’ve gotten stronger with each part of the journey. I give you and the other young people credit; you’ve had to really create a path and sometimes do it on your own. And hopefully Pathfinders has been able to help support a little bit along the way.
Princess: You have always been there for me, Mary. What has kept you at Pathfinders for 30 years?
Mary: Definitely the youth. The lucky thing is, when you’re here for quite a while, you get to see them throughout their life. I often have people come back to say hi. They might be doing ok or they might be struggling again, but I get to see the growing and the changing.
The staff has kept me here, too. I can be myself here; I don’t have to put a show on. It’s that sense of family and care. Like, I don’t know if I would have stayed here that long if it wasn’t that the people I’m working with weren’t here just because of a paycheck. They’re here because they love this as much as I do, and they’re here because they want to make a difference in somebody’s life.
Princess: I remember a day when we were all hanging out in the living room at the shelter, watching the movie Holes, laughing together. Like, the staff and all the kids laughing together, someone cooking in the kitchen. It is just a family.
Mary, what does the future look like for you?
Mary: I’ve reconnected with the sisters of a couple religious orders and I’d like to do more justice work with them. They do work that promotes goodness in the world, and that’s what I want to be a part of. Immigration is an issue I care about; we need to give people a place to come and live safely, to be able to provide for their families. I also care about how we sustain life on our planet. But many of my mentors are in their 90s, these great women who have done many powerful things. I need to figure out how to carry the torch for them.
I’ll always want to do something that’s with other people of service. I think that gives you a sense of life and hope and energy.
